v's virtual vacuum
Sunday, Nov. 16, 2003
and I feel bad that i feel this way
today has been busy-odd-sad-mad-nolikeyit has so far involved: toast, earl grey tea with milk (yum), sausage casserole, text with gorgeous, emails with benny, chats with claire and chai tea with milk (yuck). Oh yes. And jacket potatoes.
I nearly forgot - LOADS of washing up too! I haven't done my own washing up for about 18months (my back is usually too bad)
I was a bit sad last night. I guess my phone call with benny affected me more than I expected. Although, I suspect that's why I stalled the other night when he suggested it. Maybe I knew then.
I tried to explain my feelings to him today in the most useless attempt at an email conversation. I don't think he understood. Mind you that's no surprise as I don't think I understand.
it'll be me that ends up hurt in all of this. it's real now. he's a real person. I have things that he has touched and I have heard his voice. He says I have a cuddly voice and that it's the kind he would like to feed fresh strawberries to. I know it should make me happy - but it doesn't.
I cried today. I don't understand :(