v's virtual vacuum
Sunday, Apr. 17, 2005
boys boys boys boy boys
this is a really quick one as I have been distracted all evening by a variety of things. had a great day out in the sunshine and am now totally shattered and have to have an early night to get up reasonable time to go to doc to get more drugs for shoulder hopefully and also to re evaluate my anti depressants. I dont wanna sound like an addict but I really dont want to change my dosage. I know I had a flip out the past couple of weeks but apart from that I'm the most stable and consistent i have been for a long time and I dont want to rock the boat. however i also dont want to be dependent forever unless its the way it has to be (I've got to the point now where I dont care if I have to pump myself full of drugs forever in ord to remain on an even keel). I think I've had a fairly stressful time of it the past six or so months but I've come thru it relatively unscathed although i've had some terrible lows but I dont want to rush things on the drug front or change anything too much if it can be avoided. I wonder what she'll say. hmmm.andy has been in touch loads this weekend and its been lovely to have my friend back, we were challenged alot for a while back there in a strange way but it all seems to be coming good again and we're appreciating each other lots. phew. he's asked, if I marry the tuesday date, will he be best man - I am not sure its an option. for a number of reasons. but then I was talking to him about the head hunting thing and he was so impressed with the salary that he has reinstated his proposal of marriage to me. *snigger*.
monica is off at the airshow today - I really hope that one day I make it over there for it. I think it would have been a trinity weekend this weekend too. dammit I sut want to spend like a year in the states or something so I can do all the fun things that they have told me about over the years. I've been there so many times and aldready done some of the major holidays like july 4th, thanksgiving, new year several times, st patricks day but there are other things I wanna hang out and do too *sob*. match is producing a few interesting results - the most recent being a guy that refers to himself as a native american in portland oregon originally from the southwest.