v's virtual vacuum
Monday, Nov. 28, 2005
nervous
I'm hiding. kinda sorta. had a really emotionally strained convo via text with liam last night. I hate having discussions like that by text but I am, I think, glad we did - we are having our talk at the end of the week - just to stabilise things a little - its only been two months that we've been together and he's fallen for me big style by his own admission and I am just content that I am able to have some sort of functional relationship with someone, again, finally, and I am terrified that I will ruin it.everyone I have ever loved before has left me - and I dont want that to happen again - so i think that is the crux of what my resistance to love is. and by left I dont just mean moved on - I also mean death. pretty permanent. not a good basis for a relationship if your head tells you that you cant love someone cos your love might kill them. I even killed jackies cat bob cos I told him he was my favourite of her cats and he died.
how fucked up is my head about lurve eh? *grin*
it'll be ok - he and I will work it out - I'm scared though.